Welp, it is January 26th yet again. My Mom’s memorial. It has been 8 years today and each year I can’t even wrap my mind around the fact that another year has passed without her. I try to do fun things that her and I would be doing today, but despite all my efforts to stay super positive, it always ends up being a day full of tears.
This year, I wanted to take all those emotions and put together a post that could hopefully help someone else who has lost a loved one and needs a lil’ pick me up.
I know it is hard. I know you would do anything to hear their voice again and hug them one more time, BUT in my true Rainbow Brite fashion [my friend calls me that because I always try to find a bright side]…
…here are the things I do regularly, to make dealing with the loss of a dear loved one easier, and in a way…inspiring.
A quick side note: Everyone deals with loss in a different way. Everyone had a completely different relationship with his or her lost loved one. I, in no way, shape or form, think I can write one post to make everything better for you – BUT I hope that any of these suggestions make a rough hour, day, month or moment a little easier for you. And perhaps spark a smile in remembrance of your loved one versus a sad tear.
Do Things In Honor Of Them
My parents [I lost them both 6 months apart] were sooooo encouraging. Always helping me chase my dreams and dream bigger. Wanting me to try new things. Improve myself. Discover my passions. Seriously, they were like the biggest and bestest [heehee] cheerleaders a girl could ever ask for!
So now, each time I take a leap towards my dreams, or leave my comfort zone to try something new, I take a moment to thank them. Thank them for always believing in me and wanting the best for me. I am Rainbow Brite-ish because they helped me be that way and therefore, I do everything in honor of them.
So today, do one thing that you know your person would be proud of. And choose to do it in their honor. I promise it will feel so good, and be a happy way to remember them today!
Keep Their Dreams Alive
What were your loved one’s biggest dreams? What were they working towards in their life here on earth? Is there something you could do to continue that dream on their behalf?
For example, my Dad was an engineering, story telling, life-of-the-party, musician, inventor and [in my opinion] genius who believed working for someone else wasn’t a fun way to spend your life. He choose consulting over employment and always owned his own business.
He did that to make more time for me and my Mom. We went camping for weeks at a time and he made sure he always had an income, but put time above money always. And in doing so, he always made enough money for everything we needed.
And just like that, now you better understand my obsession with creating an entrepreneurial lifestyle that you get to design and customize.
And, my Mom was a creative, a nature-obsessed explorer, an artist, animal lover, and absolute sweetheart [and just to keep you on your toes she also was a prankster with a bratty side, which made her even more fun!] who loved me more than anything else. I strive to love anything or anyone as strongly as she did.
Because of who they were and what they believed in, I will always follow in their footsteps and find ways to live the values they taught me. I will collect moments over things and treasure quality time with loved ones over money, every single day. I know that money makes things possible, but I will never choose to do things only for financial return.
I will appreciate the gorgeous world we live in and do everything possible to endlessly explore it, meeting new amazing people and adorable critters in each new place. I will always make art, science, music and general curiosity an important part of my life. I will find ways to share my stories and experiences to help others live their life to the fullest, ALL to keep my parent’s dreams alive.
Can you relate? What actions can you take today to keep your loved one’s dreams alive and growing?
Forgive Them and Yourself
Whatever your relationship was, whatever struggles you went through together, whatever you regret saying or not saying to them, whatever level of anger that you are experiencing for them not being here…it is time to let go. Please.
Say “sorry” – out loud. Say “I forgive you” – out loud.
Seriously, what is the point of holding a grudge? Anger solves nothing and limits you from moving on to a better place with your grief. Whenever I get mad about the past, I take a second to forgive. Them AND myself. And it makes everything better.
Whether it be their birth date, memorial date or any sort of significant date that you shared with your loved one…celebrate! Do something fun! Do something that you would do with them if they were physically here to do it.
Solitude is often my go-to when I get sad, but sometimes you just need to be surrounded by those that care about you. Your squad. Your people. Your Fam. Therefore, invite friends and family and make a whole day of it.
Together, share funny stories and just take time to celebrate that person and all the amazing-ness they brought to your life.
Think Happy Thoughts [you know, like Peter Pan style]
No matter what your spiritual beliefs are, think only happy thoughts about where your loved one is now.
Heaven, a version of heaven, a star in a beautiful universe, a soul in a new body/form…imagine the happy place that they are. A place free of pain and struggle. A place of peace.
Take a minute to visualize them there at the awesome party they are having [heehee]. Make it super happy and extremely positive and feel the comfort wash over you. Just know, that I’m certain my parent’s are hosting a lovely party that your loved one is at right now 🙂
With all of these items above, take a moment to look at the bigggg picture. Your loved one’s life was shorter than you wanted it to be right? Why not take that loss as inspiration for your own life? Let it serve a purpose for you today.
Live your life to the fullest. Live a more meaningful purpose. Be present in the moment. Say all the things that you wish you had to your loved one, to all those around you now. Do all the things they would have wanted you to do.
The first step is thinking of ways to do all of this. If you live life on repeat you will have regrets. Avoiding the big picture and just living day by day opens you up to miss out on so much. Take the time to figure out what you want. Dream it and then take actionable steps towards getting there. And then, dream even bigger. If not for yourself, do it for them.
I hope these steps bring a little comfort to your heart. I have found that only time makes saying goodbye easier, but even with time there is always sadness.
BUT if you allow it, positivity and inspiration can be a part of your grieving. It brings smiles when thinking of your loved one, in the place of some of those tears. Shift your outlook, and make coping a bit easier.
Thanks m’dear for reading. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with a loss, and I truly hope you are able to shift your focus to a more positive one. I know your loved one is smiling so big just thinking of you trying this. Sending a *BIG FAT HUG* and tons of love your way!